I'm Here

A quick update

This was my first AWP since I closed my Twitter — have I mentioned how grateful I am that I’m no longer on it? How I’m no longer dragging my own personal panopticon everywhere with me? — and yet, I found myself trying to compose witty tweets: about my train station being closed, about AWP in general… and WHY? Where did I get the idea that I owe other people constant access to me? Or that I need to be firing every thought that crosses my mind into the void?

At an offsite reading, I got to read the piece that ran in Brevity last year. Remember, the piece I almost pulled a dozen times? I read it in front of 50+ people, and as I spat the ending lines into the mic I realized, whoa, this pops when it’s read aloud. Why didn’t I realize that before? Why was I so fixated on imaginary criticism instead of the piece’s existing, real strengths? Why didn’t I imagine the round of applause I was going to get, or the half a dozen people who were going to come up to me afterwards and tell me they loved it?

I’ll have more to say in a bit, but I wanted to put a pin here and remind myself (and hopefully all of you?) what can happen when you stop writing your own negative reviews in advance.